Respect vs. Distain

Guiding and showing a child how to behave or just be are two different things; in both short stories, “The Most Powerful Question a Parent Can Ask…” by Neil Millar and “Be-ers and Doers” by Budge Wilson the way a parent guides their child into the behaviors that they want are so different that the outcome that both parents want; which is respect is only attained by one parent. For a child to respect their parents, a child must be guided and not showed or forced to the desired behavior of the parent(s).

During the short story “The Most Powerful Question a Parent Can Ask…” the concept of parenting is to guide the child to the desired behavior. When “you’re a loving parent striving to give your children the best life you can offer.” sometimes the light of the future outcome will be dimmed with the over whelming concept that a parent must coddle and do everything for their child. While a parent may “spend whatever time it takes to knock up their favorite food” and “[pick] up their dirty underwear from under the bed”, it is evident that the author is trying to get the real message across to parents across the world. STOP CODDLING YOUR CHILD!! When a parent takes the firs step into “[raising]
well-rounded, confident, considerate children” the parent must not get distracted with what today’s society is telling them. Today’s society tells a parent that everything must be a life lesson and that bring up your child with discipline means that your child will end up in therapy for years to come. But what parents are not seeing is that both ways of ‘discipline’, whether it is too rough or no discipline at all is wrong. A parent must meet in the middle and realize that no child is going to respect their elders if they are smacked around or if they are allowed to say whatever they want and act in a disrespectful manner. By praising a child that does a desired behavior, the child soon realizes that to get the love and attention that it wants; it has to act and present itself in a certain way. The child will respect others, showing initiative, and portraying responsibility when they know what is required of them and are given the opportunity to act in such a way.

Though opposites attract, it is evident in the short story “Be-ers and Doers” that the author knew that forcing your child against its own grain is not a way to get the desired behavior. As the child in the story starts out, it is known that the child is most like his father. He, like his father “was peaceful just by nature” and was not one to be knocked “off [his] hinges” if something of great magnitude happened; but his mother was completely opposite, as it was “hard to believe” that she could “shove around an entire family” that was full of be-ers and not doers like herself. After her child, Albert was born, the mother put in her head that “Albert was going to be a perfect son” no matter how hard she had to force her doing look on life into him. As Albert grew up, sadness clouded his mind when his mother would scold him about being too much like his father. Being a be-er was not good enough for his mother, he must be a doer like her. All through his life, Albert was picked on by his mother. Saying that “his marks could be better” and that “[he seems rock-bottom lazy]” when all Albert wanted to do in life was just be himself. Years past and Albert’s mother still could not force her doing habits on her son, though it seemed that he would never life up to his potential it was evident that he would show it when it was needed. During a fire, Albert was the first person to get up and get everyone out of the house and managed to smother the fire with a cushion, even though he got second degree burns because of it. After the ordeal, Albert’s mother spoke about how she had finally seen “some sort of a sign that [he] were one hundred percent alive”. But it was not a victory in Albert’s mind; he stood up and told his mother that he was no longer going to be what his mother, but just himself. No matter whether she liked it or not, he was going to be himself.

Though both of the stories gave insight on the way parents treat their children, both of them are giving the same message. If you do everything for your children, they will not give you the respect and desired behavior that a parent may wish upon their children. But if you force your child to be something he/she is not, the child will always rip away and will never give you the desired behavior. For a child to respect its parents, it must not be coddled or choked, but gently guided and praised on how to be, himself or herself.